The Heart of Ayanami
by GrowPulter
Summary: Rated M for complicated plot.Evangelion story in Ayanami's POV.About her death and the replacer's feeling that have never been told in Evangelion series.A little bit about Rei I and Rei III,but Rei II is most.Pairing[GendouxReixKaworu].Spoiler Alert
1. untittled

The Heart of Ayanami

Stop it ! I couldn't hold it anymore. "You took everything from me, Rei. My husband, my kid, my life !" I heard the eva shouted, or maybe that's just my imagination. "Then I'm sorry. I never mean like that!" I shouted to eva. "Don't you ever feel that your life is begun by me? By us?" a cold whispered.

I choked, didn't know what to say. "I already knew about that, " I answered. "You know that I want Shinji, not you, my reflection on the earth, "that voice again. That as cold as ice voice. Always be my nightmare, always haunts me. "I don't understand, "I replied, hopelessly. "You KNOW…..You know…YOU know, Rei !" that voice yelled to me. "I DON"T KNOW!" I shouted angrily. "Rei, Rei, are you okay?" another voice calling me. It's Misato's. "W-wha-t?" I asked after took a breath. "Are you okay there?". This is the real world….."Yes……" finally I answered.

I wore my uniform, after took a bath in NERV. It's cold enough there. That experience in eva wasn't good at all. I got tired with this thing. Why couldn't Shinji and Asuka get that terror too ! I get it every time I enter the entry plug. It's not a nice feeling at all. I took my school briefcase and walked in the corridors. I was going home. Then, I met Ikari Yui's husband, Ikari Gendou. "Good evening, Rei, " he greeted me. "Good evening, Sir,  
I replied. "How was the exercise?" he asked me. "So so," I answered. "I guess, now you're going home….." he said. "Yes,". Then he smiled. A very kind smile that shocked my heart. "Be careful," he said full of attention. I nodded with smile on my lips. Smile that couldn't be hidden. Smile that would be blamed by her.

I still thought about this exercise today in the subway. What did she mean with I know? What do I know? I don't know what's she wants. I don't know the history behind this. Gosh……I couldn't stand with this. How come……I got off from the subway and walked to my apartment. It's a quiet dark night. The moon shone like a candle. It means no good.

"I don't want you to exist, Rei," a voice. That voice again ! I could be crazy ! I saw a woman standing there. I had to reach her. I had to know the truth. The truth behind this fake destiny. "Thinking about destiny….. You don't have any destiny…. Remember that, Rei?" She turn on her head and look at right to me. Ikari Yui ? I couldn't believe it. "I have a destiny. I know that, " I answered. I was trembled. Suddenly, she laughed. "What kind of destiny, Rei! Think about that ! What kind of destiny! A kind of the destiny that you borrow from me? Wrong! You took mine….It's not yours !" She said cruelly. "NO ! That's the destiny that I have. Could you please don't disturb me anymore !" I yelled angrily. She stopped laughed. Her eyes turned dark, her smile had vanished and she looked at me. "Disturb?" she asked me calmly. "You call it disturb?" she asked me again. "When will you wake up from that eternal dream ?" she asked me again. I was trembled so much.

"Go away from my life……" I said to her. "What!" she asked me with scary eyes. "Go away from my life. I don't wanna see you anymore. You're just a past !" I shouted to her full of anger. "Do you think I wanna see you!" she yelled. "I'm sick of this ! Don't be another me on earth. No need two same people in this world, Rei ! One of them must vanish, and that's YOU !" she shouted scarily. "NO ! I'm not you ! We're different ! Just stop following me here !" cried me. "Rei…..Rei…..REI !". What's that? Whose voice? I was sure that's not Yui Ikari's. "REI ! Answer me ! ARE YOU OK!" Hufff….That's Misato. "Yes, I'm fine….." I answered.

"I'm fine, Misato," I answered coldly. I got enough with this eva. With all the memories here. "Ayanami, are you okay?" this time Shinji asked me. I nodded. "I'm okay," I said. "Huah……if you couldn't be an eva pilot anymore, then stop, " Asuka said. I don't like that girl very much. Without knowing someone's problem, just said bad words like that. One reason for me being a robot is because I got stressed with this. I used my time to think about eva, about Ikari Yui, and about Gendou. About precious moments that we had together. I will never forget that.

"Rei, the test is over. You could get off from entry plug now, " I heard Ritsuko said. "Yes," I answered simply. I got out from eva when the door of entry plug opened. The tiring moment had ended. I saw Ikari Shinji and Asuka too. They went to the bathroom too. And I saw Ikari Gendou, came over me. Suddenly, Asuka turned back and came over me too. To meet him, I think. "Rei, how was the test?" he asked me gently. "Good, nothing to be worried," I answered. My heart was full of happiness. Every time I saw him, it's more than hypnotized. He's my life, my savior through the sad story. "After this you have a little business with Dr. Akagi, " he told me what I've known well. But I nodded. He always attract me. "Hi, Commander Ikari. I got the best result for this test, and the test before too. Isn't that great ?" Asuka said full of pride. I walked, left them. Still heard the loud voice of Asuka and Shinji's whisper.

I understood, Asuka. I understood your pain. I understood what you covered behind your arrogant words; I understand the dark background you have. We both are almost same. But you are much luckier than me. You're strong enough to run that fast so your past wouldn't catch you. Run faster and faster, Asuka. Don't let 'em catch you, trick you. Don't be like me. I couldn't run from this problem. They caught me too strong, and caged me. I suffer many from this. And you, Shinji. I'm sorry to be cold to you. But I have many things to think and many businesses to do. So, I couldn't be a nice friend for you. Even you're so kind to me, but you'd better find another friend. Don't try to make a friendship with me cause it wouldn't work. But thanks for your kindness to me at all. For your 100 kindness. I talked to my self……..

I walked to Akagi's room. There's something to do there. Then, I found a door with text "Ritsuko Akagi" on it. I knocked the door. "Come in," I heard that voice. I opened the door carefully. Then I came in and sat on a chair. Ritsuko, looked at me. Not as a girl that needs her injection, but as another competitor to get Gendou. When she prepared the injection, I could see into her heart. Ritsuko, it's impossible to get Gendou, don't care how strong you've tried. His heart is full of Yui. No way to get there. Even if you see he shows interest on me, but his life just for Yui. I even never get any chance to get in. Don't look at me as another competitor. I'm not that strong. I'm weak enough to be beaten by Yui. Ritsuko, find another guy. This guy won't make you happy. He's too high to be reached. Ritsuko, you're still can be saved. Don't waste your life with the shadows of him except if you have been caged like me. But, you're still free. Find your happiness, not your pain. These were my words for you.

I've got my injection and prepared to go home. As long as I walked, i thought about Ikari Gendou. That man who interests many women hearts. Gendou, how long will you be locked in your past? I understand about Shinji. It doesn't mean you don't love him. I know you love him very much. But you're still there, in your past. Your soul is still there, never leaves that memories. I was jealous to those memories. I'm made from those memories. And I know surely I will never beat them. But, I do really want to see you face your future. Stand like a man, believe in your heart, not your past. Sometimes I wish you could hear Yui in eva too, not just me who could. Can that make you back to reality? Gendou, you're so lucky more than you thought. But, you're caught by your past and no one could save you. Even I really want, but I'm not that strong to do that. I still walked to my apartment………

I changed clothe and wear my pajamas. I prepared to sleep now. It's almost 11 pm. I don't like sleeping very much. Sometimes, she came in my dream. But, I need sleep for my stamina. How could I face her in eva if I'm not strong enough? Sometimes it feels I have no heart. I just live by the rule, by my work to pilot the eva. I don't like talking too much. In fact, I almost never talk but to Gendou. He understands me, and sometimes I find that I'm blushing with him. But he belongs to someone that I know surely couldn't be beaten. I lay on my bed. I hate nightmare. A part from my self told me not to sleep, so I would not see the nightmare. Another part told me to sleep for the realistic reason. I pulled my blanket, closed my eyes. Tried to sleep.


	2. when you believe

Disclaimer

This story is dedicated to all my friends and the Evangelion addicts.

Go Eva! And to Auntie Mariah and Auntie Whitney that sang this song, thanks for the idea that you brought to me….To Uncle Stephen Schwartz, who wrote this beautiful song, thanks a lot too, and to all who read this story, thank you very much. Errr….review please? Hehehe….

Chapter two: When You Believe

_Many nights we pray_

_With no prove anyone could hear_

_In our hearts a hope for song we barely understood now_

"Rei….."a voice…that calm voice….mussed my name…..I sought the source of that joyful song every where…Where is it? "So, you feel summoned?" the voice muttered. I was puzzled by the sort of 'summons' she told me. "Why do your eyes look so supercilious, little Rei?" it said again. "I do not mean to be supercilious….Where are you?" I murmured. The voice laughed loudly until I thought that laugh echoed in my head. "You really don't discover who I really am, little pal?" it uttered. I shook my head.

"Terrible….and disappointed, still a little kid….or still a clone…a doll…?" the voice mumbled mockingly. My eyes were getting sharp to hear words clone and doll. "I'm not a doll….." I responded unhappily. The voice laughed again….."Don't be angry, little Rei…..Or….are you afraid of the……….. Fact!" suppressed that suck voice. "Who are you?" I asked that voice…."Still don't know? Chk…chk…chk….what an innocent girl…I feel so guilty to tease you, pal…wrong….not pal….but….my reflection….?" The voice finally gave me the answer, implicitly, but could be caught by my think.

Silence….I hoped that what I guessed was wrong…."Yui….?" I called that name sarcastilcally….The voice laughed….very loudly….like a crazy scientist….."Little cute Rei, finally….finally you know that…..I've waited so long for that kind of mind……" she cried happily. "What kind of mind?" I snapped. Another scary laughs again….."That kind….that kind….shall I explain more…... little Rei?" she mocked me…..I was still silent….We need to be careful for facing Yui. "Well, according to your dumb eyes, I think I better explain more…." She said with an evil tone.

"I don't need your explanation," I told her in a monotonous way. "Khu…khu…khu… what a still labile emotion…." She derided. "Well, I think whether you want it or not, you still will receive my statement," she continued. "Go away from here…." I mumbled to her, trembled with fear and confusion. "Little Rei….You don't have to be scared, my lovely doll…my beautiful marionette…..my reflection on my mirror….on my broken mirror….." she uttered scarily.

"I'm not your doll, or your marionette, or your reflection on that broken mirror….." I refused what she had spoken. "Well….as I know…broken mirror has bad reflection…..You are bad…,ugly, and the happiness taker….You are useless…" she reacted…"Yui…I've got enough with this….Leave me alone….I have no fault to you….." I said with cold sweat filled my face. "Really? May be not….but you still steal some images…some characters from me….I want to get it back…and I'll never ask it again…." Inquired she.

"What sort of images and characters that you want to get it back from this little Rei?" I snapped, brought that word 'little Rei' to her back, meaningless. "The sort of my images on you….and my characters inside you….I hate that….Give it back to me…to the right owner that those precious things supposed belong to…." She replied with a very cold voice. "How?" I asked her.

Suddenly, food steps fell on my ear. The food steps of a pair elegant high-heels woman shoes…I turned my head, and saw a shadow amongst the thick mist. 'Is that you, Yui? Is that the woman that keep disturbing my life….annoying…..terrible….but I a little bit admire your power to control half of my life' I mumbled in my heart. The shadow became clearer…and that moment, a beautiful woman stood in front of me….Ikari Yui…. "By death…" she whispered to me as an answer.

I was shocked and walked back for some steps…She smiled cruelly. "Sometimes I think that I was born to be a cruel angel," she told me her opinion. "I won't die just for giving you back that bullshit images and characters," I mused without expression. She glimpsed at me, and smiled again. "Really? May be you don't want it….But you can't hide from me forever, little Rei," she muttered. "I never hide from you…You disturb me all the time….You come to me all the time…. But you don't find me…That's why I said that I never hide from you, Ikari Yui," I said to her.

"Deep inside your heart….May be you don't realize that…but I know surely every night you pray….but with no prove anyone could hear….In your heart a hope for song we both barely understood….." she told me. First, I didn't get what she was trying to tell me. Then, when I felt my emotion, my desire….then I realized…I have prayed for a liberality from that bastard woman, Yui…

"Nah…you just realized it right? Uuw…what a nice prayer from a little Rei….or….little Yui?" she mocked me. "I'm not the little Yui….I'm not a such as sucks lady that always disturbs another person without any sensible reason," that time, I attacked her. She turned her head and smiled again…."Nice prayer….." she murmured. And then she walked from my side, went to the mist….and vanished….

I opened my eyes…choked for a while….and that breathed short…..It wasn't a nightmare at all…but it successfully made me uncomfortable and a little bit confused. I wasn't scared or frightened….just her words made a dreadful feeling for me….._Nice prayer_…..Oh my….what did she mean with those words! I looked at the wall clock….still 2 am…I have to sleep some more…Felt tired to meet Yui again, I wasn't really sure to sleep. But I was sleepy enough until I could beat that shit feeling….

_We are not afraid _

_Although we know there's much to fear_

_We were moving mountain long before we knew we could_

The next morning, I had a test in NERV, about synchronizing or something like that…..First, a boring medical check up with Dr. Akagi. She didn't talk to much that day…Just about my health and those unclear procedures. Second, the test in that synchronizing cylinder. In that orange medical water, tasted like blood. I never like being there…

After those sucks test, a fellow that have been in my heart since a long long time ago came over me. Ikari Gendou…..He smiled to me. "Rei, how was the test?" he asked, still with the smile I liked. "It's good enough," I responded slowly. "The problem is in our mind….." he told me a confusing statement. "Which means?" I implicitly inquired him to continue his words. "Which means….close the awful memories. The problem is in our mind…." He continued confusingly. I just nodded.

"Rei…" he called my name. What a heavenly song….I gazed at him. "Yes?" I muttered. " We are not afraid….Although we know there's much to fear…We were moving mountain long before we knew we could….." he told me. I didn't understand anything of his poetry words. "But….we will move that mountain whether we know we could or not….And after move that mountain, we'll meet and greet with the eternal happiness," he uttered. I nodded again

That mountain….meant the feeling of me….or….Yui?

_There can be miracle_

_When you believe_

_The hope is rare, it's hard to kill_

_Who knows that miracle….._

_You can achieve_

_When you believe….._

_Somehow you will_

_You will when you believe….._

A message from Rei :

What do you believe in? Like Misato said (she really said it), miracle is not something that suddenly will happen, humans make the miracle…Sometimes, when we are failed, we feel disappointed and desperate, we lose our faith and belief…..We think that we'll never be able to reach what we want, to achieve our goals….But, the words that you need to hold all are (like in the lyric) 'you will when you believe….' Everyone surely has been failed even for once….the failure is not important….it's not valuable enough to be thought everyday by your brain, and it's not precious enough to be kept in our heart….Let the failures free by the time goes on…the important and valuable and precious enough is….To achieve the miracle or hope or goals that you want isn't as hard as you think….._Somehow you will….You will when you believe…. _

GrowPulter: thanks for reading….

Need opinion….need opinion….need opinion….


	3. salvage

Chapter three: Salvage

Disclaimer:

Remember about salvage operation that Ritsuko made to save Shinji?

It's easier to understand this chapter after you read the Evangelion comic number 7 and 8

But, if you don't have the books, I'll give you a short explanation

Salvage operation is a mission to save someone trapped in Eva by sending his/her relations images in Eva

The images will tried to save him, especially the trapped guy's mental

The images will point him/her to back to the real world, but it all depends on the trapped guy's self

So, with other words, we can enter the Eva and the world inside Eva

I walked steadily to the Evangelion units cooling place.

It was almost midnight and I was called by someone to go to this place.

I stopped when I found the right place to wait that fellow, and sat on the cold floor.

It's not long until the food steps echoed everywhere in that quiet place.

I awoke from my sleepiness and tried to see who it was

The image got clear and clearer as it was walking towards me.

Then, the fellow stopped in front of me and I stood up

"Hi, Rei,"

It was Ritsuko, not in her lab coat, but on a sort of formal working blouse.

"Hi," I responded her greet.

"So…I won't be long. Listen Rei, I've seen many terrible things as I live my life, and this incident shocked me well,"

She was quiet for a while, seemed like thinking something.

"And I just want to know that…if you want to discover about it too. I'm not forcing, just a kind of….a kind of…sharing,"

"What will I discover?"

She took a glimpse at me, and smirked painfully.

"Well, I think it's the truth. Gendou's past. The true one, showed by Yui in Eva,"

"What do you mean is….you want me to see Gendou's past in Eva? Am I right?"

She nodded. "Yes, with Salvage,"

"Salvage?"

"It's the way we saved Shinji when he was swallowed by Eva, by her mother the safest way,"

"I see…You've seen Gendou's past, right?"

"I'm not just seeing. But…you'll find out there….So, will you come?"

I nodded and follow her to the research room until she told me to sit on a couch.

"You sit here, I'm gonna operate the Salvage. Just relax,"

I nodded, and before she walked away from me, I asked her something.

"Dr. Akagi," I muttered

She turned her head and glanced at me

"What is it?"

"Why do you want to share this with me?"

_Silence….._

"Because I think we are the women of one destiny,"

Then she left me. And she told me from the speaker "Ready?"

I nodded and it happened so fast like a flashlight.

Suddenly, I found my self standing on a beach.

I wanted to know where I was

Then, I saw a shadow of fellow, I ran to that shadow and met a little girl

A little girl about 3 years old, with light blue hair and red eyes

_It was me…._

The little Ayanami from the past

Our eyes met and we kept looking each other.

'Is she me? The Rei first? My past? Why I can't remember anything about this?'

The little girl, brought me a weird feeling.

You'll have that weird feeling to if you met your self in the past

"Hi," I greeted her

"Hi," she replied.

Silence…..I couldn't help anything besides stood in front of her

"So, what's your name?" I asked that girl

"Rei. Ayanami Rei," she answered with innocent eyes

'So, this is me when I was three years old. Still innocent and happy. Still hadn't known the suffer'

"Then who are you?" she inquired

"Me? Well, I think we've the same name. I'm Rei,"

"Really, we are very lucky to meet each other. It's rare to meet another person similar to you, and got the same name too," she looked happy.

I smiled at her

"Would you come with me? I'll show you my friends," she took my hand and pulled me.

Wanted me to follow her.

Her friends? My friends? So I had at least a friend out there? But who?

"Your friends? You mean Shinji?" I asked her again

She shook her head

"Shinji? Who's Shinji? I mean Gendou and Yui,"

I choked. Yui and I were….friends?

"So, they are your friends? I see, but aren't they too old to be your mates?"

"Ya…they don't' have much time to play with me. But they are still my friends, come on, follow me,"

Was I this cheerful when still a little girl?

Then I followed her to the NERV base. The NERV base wasn't as great as now

Then, I saw Gendou. 11 years ago Gendou.

"A…that's my friend. Uncle Gendou!" little Rei yelled at him.

That guy smiled a little, and came over us.

Oh gosh! Was he a happy man too 11 years ago? What happened until me and Gendou were changed into these cold guys?

"Rei, what are you doing here?" he asked

"Playing with Rei," she answered

For a while, Gendou was shocked to see me. He kept looking both of us. Me and the little girl, me and her, me and her, me and her

"You both look so similar," he mused confusedly.

"I'm sorry, but Rei said that your name is Rei too, am I right?" he continued

I nodded.

"How could it be…." I heard he whispered to himself.

"Rei, come in to the base, play in your room there. I need to talk with this girl," I heard he said

Little Rei nodded and ran to the building.

And there's just only me and him.

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked Gendou, with fast heartbeat.

"Nothing….just wondering…what a good surprise, you and Rei. You look like her twin sister. But you're older then her,"

I nodded.

Suddenly, a woman walked to us. With brown hair, and slim body, and laboratory coat

_Yui…_

"Hello, honey," she came to Gendou, and kissed him, as he responded her

My heart was hit that time.

"Oh, hi! My name is Yui. Oh my God, Gendou. She looks so similar with Rei,"

She gave her hand, so did I and we shook hand each other

"Nice to meet you," she said, but now carefully, with suspicious eyes

Oh, you won't say that when you know our future

"Nice to meet you too," I responded calmly.

"Well, I have to go, there are many things to be done. Bubye, see you later, Gendou,"

Then, she left us both.

"Her name is Ikari Yui, right?" I murmured.

Gendou nodded. "Yes, she is Yui. She is my wife,"

Yeah…I almost forgot the truth

I smiled. "She looks nice,"

"Yes, she is a very nice person. You know what, I love her so much. She has the first rank place in my heart,"

_It's hurt…._

"So, do you have any kid?"

"Yes, a son. His name is Shinji,"

"Shinji, what a good name,"

"She chose it,"

"Good,"

It was quiet

Oh, shit! I couldn't find anything to talk with him

"Tomorrow will be a special day for us,"

"Why?"

"Because Yui will have an important experiment. She will pilot the Eva for the first time. I do wanna show our son about the bright future,"

"She will pilot the Eva?"

He nodded.

Wasn't that the reason of her death? Should I prevent it? Or just let it be?

"Isn't that too dangerous?" I spluttered.

"It's a little bit dangerous. But I can't refuse her spirit to do that, so I let her. Henceforth, she is good in her subject,"

"Oh, I see. Just be careful,"

"Oh my God, I forgot. We just met, so you don't know the Eva. It's a kind of robot. O, I told you my company's secret. Promise me you won't tell anyone,"

"I keep my words,"

"Good. So, can you come too to saw our future?"

'Do I have enough time from Ritsuko? I don't even know about that,'

"I don't know. I can't make it sure,"

"Really? But we're still hoping you come. If you come, say that I invite you. My name is Ikari Gendou,"

"Thanks,"

And suddenly, the time went so fast.

Maybe Ritsuko made it fast so I could see the climax faster

It was the next day.

I still stood in front of NERV base but no one's there but me.

I walked to the NERV base, and when I got in, a security asked for my business.

"I'm invited by Commander Ikari,"

The guard seemed doubtful and he called Gendou.

But there's no answer from him

"Well ma'am, I think you better wait. I'm sure Commander now is watching his wife experiment,"

'_Am I late?'_

"I come for the experiment,"

"Sorry ma'am, nothing could I do,"

I didn't believe it. I did really want to see the cause of Yui's death

Suddenly, a woman came

She had a black-short hair, wearing the laboratory coat, and bringing some books.

Naoko Akagi, the one who killed little Rei in the past

The one who killed me…

"What's going on?" she asked the guard

"Ah, nothing," he replied

"This young lady said that Commander Ikari invited her"

"Adam," I suddenly said to her.

She was surprised for a while, knowing that I told her the NERV secret

"Pardon?"

"Adam and Eva,"

This time, she controlled herself better.

"Come with me," then I followed her until we went to a quiet place

"Who are you?"

"I'm Rei,"

"You mean Ayanami Rei?"

"Yes"

"Don't be kidding"

"Don't you think we both look so similar?"

She was shocked again, and thought something for a while.

"However, I still don't understand. But, it's fine. Why do you come here?"

"Gendou invited me to see Yui's experiment."

"I see…Are you….the kids of…Adam? Like Rei? That little girl?"

I was silent, thinking about the answer I ought to tell

"None of your business,"

"I see…By the way, I have to prepare the experiment, go there by yourself. You know the experiment place, right?"

"May be,"

"Okay, see you," then she walked and left me alone.

After she had vanished, I got out from that room, and walked to the place, guided by the sign 'Evangelion Experiment'

And, I saw there's Gendou there, sitting on his desk.

And there's a little boy too, Shinji…

Shinji was still very young, smiled while seeing her mother in Eva

"Shinji," I called him while his father were talking with Fuyutsuki.

The boy glanced at me, and came over me

"You called me?"

I nodded.

Shinji….you're still happy in your childhood…

And suddenly, I heard some noises, the climax was: Yui is dead

And, before I dared to think about that, I felt my self was moved by Ritsuko again.

Until I see the dreadful moment…after Yui's death….my death….

Little Rei's death….by Naoko Akagi

For a moment I was shocked and surprised

I thought I would lose my mind after this vision

But……sarcastically, my self was taken from that scary past

The first thing I saw in my real world is Ritsuko's eyes

"So…." She snapped.

I still short breathed, got up from the couch.

"We would lose our mind if being there too long,"

I nodded.

"You have discover the fact by Salvage now,"

"Thank you,"

I was still confused, And I couldn't remember anything about my past. First, I thought it was so sad. But, now I've decided that I didn't have good enough courage to accept the whole truth.

tO be ConTiNuEd


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:

If you haven't watched the anime until the end, reading the comics number nine could help you to understand this story. But actually, it's okay if you haven't done those things above. Just if you want to know the details, those things will a little bit help you.

And, this story is a little bit related to Cryptogram of Wayfarer chapter three. So, if you're interested to read this story with another version and POV, you can read it. But, I must warn you that Cryptogram of Wayfarer chapter three isn't same with this story. Just related

Chapter 4: the death

I knew it for long…that my death would be caused by one of the works NERV gave me. And I could feel that, every day, every minute, and every second in my life that it's getting closer. My death… May be it's because a part of me was made from Adam, so I could feel that another angel was coming. Sometimes I thought that Kaworu also felt that way, he was even more important than me for Dead Sea Scrolls. You know…NERV has a lot of Ayanamis, but there's only one Kaworu. And he worked for Adam, of course he got more information, more feels, more thoughts than me.

Sunday morning, when I didn't have to go to school, Gendou and I were walking around NERV's park. The beautiful park with fountain, flowers everywhere, and the birds. I loved being with him, I always love him and it's never gonna change forever. But I know, his heart doesn't belong to me, it will always belong to his lovely angel, Yui. But I didn't wanna remember that, I just want to love him as long as I can.

"So…you have met the new boy right, the new boy that replaces Soryuu's place" Gendou started to talk. His voice was soft and described a gentleman's image well. "Yes, I have met that boy," I answered slowly. Sometimes I felt a burning desire in my heart, but I didn't know why, I could hardly tell him about the desire. My voice was always cold and monotonous. No wonder people often called me as a robot.

"Nagisa Kaworu, the fifth child. So, what do you think about him?" He asked again, now looked at my eyes deeply and smiled warmly. That smile could melt my heart well, that sometimes I didn't want to believe that his heart still belonged to his wife. "Um…of course he is not just an ordinary kid. I think he has an important role for Dead Sea Scrolls," I murmured.

"Yeah, he is not an ordinary boy, not at all. I think he has a strong relationship with Adam. Seele never lets me know, but soon enough we'll know who he is," Gendou muttered gently. I liked her masculine voice, because he's already mature. "I'm sure about that too. It's getting closer to the end, right?" I uttered.

Gendou turned his head and glanced at me. "It is…" he spoke slowly. He stared at me again. "Do you have a relationship with the fifth child, Rei?" he asked me seriously. For a moment, I felt my heart was wondering. Why did he ask that? He didn't believe me? He didn't believe that I was on his side? With Eva? Or, he just asked for something not important?

I was silent. "I think nothing's important between us," I murmured softly. "I see…"Gendou whispered to himself. "And how about Soryuu? That girl got hurt by the angel, right?" Gendou kept walking, and sat on a bench, he waved his hand, told me to sit too. I came over him, and set next to him. "You said Soryuu, right? I think….she has done her job and played her role. Her time is over now…her job is done now…she could rest…" I spluttered.

After saying that, I gazed at him, waiting for respond.

"May be she's not done yet…There's a role that could be played by her in the end…really end…maybe it's her who's gonna take the job…the last job…" Gendou said it deeply. "May be…But, the one who will take the last job…don't you think it's gonna be _her_?" Those words came out from my mouth. "Her?" Gendou replied by trying to know who's 'her' that I meant. Although, I was sure he knew what I meant, he just wanted to make it clear.

"Your wife…Yui…" while uttering that name, I recognized that I really didn't want to mention that name…it would tease Gendou's heart and refresh his memory about his lovely wife, it's no problem from me actually….it just made me go farther and farther from his heart…and I never expect that. He was quiet too for few seconds…I think that time I've torn the scar in his heart, so his heart was hurt again.

"Yui? Don't you think her job is over too, in this world?" Gendou whispered. "I don't think so…I doubt it if you don't know the truth…she controlled Evangelion from inside…I know you realize it," I responded him. "May be…" and after that, there's a talk that I would never ever want to hear anymore. Once is enough. It made me surrender. It's too harmful. I closed that memory in my heart, and never opened it anymore until the last seconds of my life…

We often did the synchronization test, and almost everybody was shocked by Kaworu's ability. His synchronization almost reached perfect level, he could use Eva well even for the first time, and it seemed so easy for him to move Eva, he didn't need many exercises like Shinji and I have done. No wonder, he was Adam's soldier. Adam sent his man to meet his lover, Eva and she greeted that guy well, that's logical.

After those boring tests, I could talk to Shinji, even just a little. "So, the tests today are boring as usual, right Rei?" Shinji said and smiled at me while we're on escalator. "Always the same tests," I commented monotonously. And I was sorry for that, there were so many things I wanted to tell Shinji, but so little time and friendliness I had. "But the new comer could do it well. I mean…no problem! He's so great, don't you think so?"

"You really trust him," I comment. He looked confused to hear my words for a while. "Well…you do trust him too, right?" He smiled and asked me. "I don't know about that," I answered him. I knew he didn't understand my statement. "I mean, yeah…he is a little bit weird, but he is not bad. Kind enough," Shinji still tried to change my opinion. Then, I decided to end our conversation. Just kept silent. He didn't know it that time. And I thought it's wise not to tell him that time. He's still too young. He was still pure. He didn't need to know everything. He didn't need to face the evil destiny. Let him knew it himself as the time went on. And I didn't dare to tear his clean-untouchable soul.

That day came. The day, actually, I was ready to face the worst possibility. But I didn't think it would come so fast. I was sitting on a bench in the NERV's park alone, until Dr. Akagi came over me and said, "Rei, get ready, you have to fight an angel today," . I got up when I heard that, but I wasn't surprised. It's my job to fight those angels. Then, I walked out from the park to the locker room, wanted to change my clothe into the plug suit.

After I wore my suit plug, I met Kaworu there. We stopped for few seconds, looked at each others. "Hi," Kaworu greeted me shortly. "Hi," I reacted. Silence again. "So…another one is coming right now," he snapped with a smile. "Yes," I answered monotonously. "You don't have to fight them, Rei," he muttered confidently. "What!" I whispered and choked for a while. "Why don't you be with your father?" He still tried to make me on his side. But that question confused my heart well enough.

"I…I…don't have a father!" I said it firmly and icily. He smirked, seemed knowing that fact. "How can you be so sure?" he asked me again. I didn't respond. "All your files have been deleted, right? You don't know your past, I'm right again, aren't I?" he continued his sentence. "Yes, all my files have been deleted, and I don't know my past, you're right," I had to admitted that. "Well, I never say you have a father here, Rei. Because you are not one of them. You are not one of the people here. You are same with me. You are Adam's daughter. Don't you believe in that?"

I couldn't answer soon. But with trembling voice, I answered "I know I'm different from them. I know I'm not one of them. But I know I'm NOT same with you. We're different,". Silence…"Are you sure you don't want to be on our side?" he asked again for confirmation. "I'm on the right side now," I muttered frostily. "Hm…." he mumbled. "You fall in love with him, am I right?" he snapped.

I could feel a strong passion in my heart that time. "Who do you mean with 'him'?" I tried to hide my feeling. He smiled again. "You're not good in acting. Should I tell you? That guy…That psychotic guy with a commander call…" he murmured full of meanings. "Commander? You mean Commander Ikari?" I muttered coldly. "Yes…yes…whatever his name…Um…wait a minute, his name is Gendou right? Yeah, you fall in love with him?"

"NO! Of course I do not fall in love with him," I answered firmly and loudly, but I was sure he could smell the lie I hid. "Well…I do believe you…believe your words," he responded with a suspicious voice. He didn't believe me, or my words. Because he's right, I was lying. "That's good," I spluttered. Thank God, a voice commanded us from the loudspeaker. "Hey you two, what are you doing there? Hurry up, get to the Eva cage quickly! Now! " It's Major Katsuragi's voice. It saved me from his words. From something that I never wanted to hear…

Kaworu waved his hand as a sign of 'Yes, don't worry'. He gazed at me before he walked to the Eva cage and I followed him. I saw the entry plug was ready to be entered, and I went there. Enter the entry plug, closed the door, and let it went into my Eva. I saw Misato talked from the screen in my entry plug. "Well, this is the command from Commander Ikari. Unit 0, piloted by Ayanami will fight the Eva first, and Unit 2, piloted by Nagisa will be the back up. That's it, any question?" she said. "But wait! What will I do?" It was Shinji's voice…

"Nothing, Shinji. You will stay in the cage, and wait for the result," Misato answered. "It can't be happened!" Shinji protested her. "This is commanded straight from Commander Ikari," Misato tried to be professional. "Then tell him that it's not fair. Tell my father," Shinji still spoke loudly. "Unfortunately, you're not allowed to refuse this command, or to protest. Just work as you're commanded, and stop this not important chat. Now Rei, Kaworu, in position!" she ordered.

Then, I felt my Eva was lifted up, so was unit 2. Then, I could see the angel that I must fight on my monitor. It was like a chain. "We know nothing about this angel, but we're sure that that shape is not its constant shape," I heard Ritsuko's voice. "Understood," I responded coldly. And suddenly, I saw the angel came over me. It turned its shape, it was like a snake that time.

I caught it, clutched it and shot it by the gun. But it's not working. What happened that time? The angel was too strong. "Yo Misato, I need a stronger weapon to fight this one. How could I get it?" I heard Kaworu said it to Misato. "I'll send Dual Shaw! You run to C-883, okay!" she shouted from the speaker. After that, he ran to on of the posts, the angel suddenly stopped attacking me and chased him. But he could dodge well.

Finally, he got the weapon he asked from Misato, and he attacked that angel. But, something wrong was happening. He seemed surprised when he got the angel. Then, it looked like the angel destroyed his weapon, got free and came over me. I never thought the angel would attack me that way.

It was hurt…it was really hurt and painful. It came into the Eva, it entered the Eva. It was like growing in Eva, spreading its root in Eva. It's hurt…it's hurt…it's HURT! Then I saw my arms…what happened with them? They were full of a kind of new muscles…new root…Oh no! I hope it wasn't right. The angel did not just enter the Eva, it entered my body too. My whole body. And when I saw the other parts of my body…my feet…my legs…my stomach…they were all filled by the root and angel's muscles.

I choked and felt so afraid. And it was painful too…my body felt like entered painfully by unidentified things from outside…it felt like it tore your flesh…it penetrated your blood…it felt like it's gonna kill you soon. I still tried to fight the pain, and shot the angel with my rifle. I didn't want to give up…I had to fight the angels! It's my job! I shouted those words so many times to myself. Until that awful memory came and haunted my brain…my heart… all that I didn't want to hear that time…

'_I want to ask you something…did you make me as the reincarnation of your wife, Yui?'_

'_Do you think like that?'_

'_I don't know…sometimes it felt I'm just the substitution of her,'_

'_Rei…have you stopped trust me?'_

'_No, I still trust you,'_

'_Then why you're asking me that?'_

That conversation again….the conversation that I had promised to forget it forever…but, without remembering that…it came again…enter me like the angel…but, it didn't enter my body, it enter my heart…I didn't want to open that memory again! I wanted to throw it away! It's forsaken! I yelled at myself.

'_Do you still love me?'_

'_Yes…I give my biggest and best love to you so far'_

'_Because I look like Yui…,'_

'_You are different from her…'_

'_You're lying… Your love that you said isn't for me. It's for her,'_

'_Do you know what's in my heart?'_

'_No…'_

'_Then why do you decide what's it in my heart that easy?'_

Why did it come when I was busy to fight the angel! It disturbed me surely, and irritated my concentration. It made my synchronization level went lower fast. "Rei, what happened! Can you handle that!" Misato yelled. I didn't answer that. I was still trying to shoot the angel. I was fighting the angel alone…and somehow a voice told me this…'you don't want to be killed by your fellow angel?'

Then, it seemed that's not enough for me…for my sorrow…And just like a playback movie, all the memories I hated came again. There's Kaworu's face. _'How could you be so cruel to attack your own allies…?_' Allies? Allies? I didn't want to know more about that. I hated these memories! I wanted to get it out of my mind! OUT of my MIND!

'You know you're different from the people command you…You're same with me…We are….the chosen creature…the beauty of this nature…the angels…' Oh, I really wanted to get it out of my mind that time! I wanted to stop it! "Rei, are you okay?" Misato kept shouting through the speaker. You're not helping, Misato….there's nothing you could do that time…I knew it… 'I know I'm different from them…I know we look similar…but we're different too, Kaworu,' I saw myself saying that…it's just like a movie…I could feel my past echoed in my brain.

Suddenly, I thought about something. Something that could be used that time…something that would end this sorrow…something could finish this battle…something that could beat the angel…something could save them….The emergency bomb…The bomb that could explode just by pulling the lever. The bomb that could kill the angel…and just tear the Eva a little bit… It's not a big deal…But, the fact slapped my face…where's the emergency bomb? Where's the useful thing? Where is it?

It's outside the Eva…I should get out from the entry plug and pull it by myself. It would explode on the body of Eva...outside…and the bomb was outside too…I knew doing that was same as suicide. But, there's the only way…The rifle couldn't hurt it, Kaworu event had tried to attack it…but he's failed…I knew Kaworu would kill this angel if he could…because he knew this angel must be vanished…he knew it from the bible…

'_Do you sometimes…consider me as her?'_

'_As Yui, you mean?'_

'_Yes…'_

_Silence….._

'_You can't answer it…Why…?'_

'_Because sometimes the truth is too painful to be faced…'_

I stopped trying to shoot the angel. Then, I got up from my seat, and opened the door manually. With that painful body, that work seemed so hard to do. I was powerless and I thought it would be my last work…I reached the door, opened it hard, and kicked it…so I could go outside through that door. "Rei, what are you doing?" Misato asked me with a loud voice. I didn't care about that. I just wanted to do my last work well…I wanted to do my final work…before replaced by the new one…

Half of my body had got outside, and I climbed the body of Eva…climbed the irons there…I still could here many voices from the speaker from my entry plug. "Oh my God, she wants to do that!" It's Ritsuko's voice…Then Gendou's voice. "Rei..Rei! What are you doing? Rei! Don't do that!" he shouted. You were shouting like you really loved me…But I already knew the truth…and I had to do that…I had to do that because of my love for you…even I knew…you'll never be able to repay my love…

'_I know I'm not worth to be like her'_

'_What makes you think like that?'_

'_Recently, I'm starting to be able to see the truth,'_

'_Sometimes it's better not to see the truth, just live your life as usual'_

'_You have so many Ayanami Reis, if I die, it's not important for you, right? Cause you still have stocks there,'_

'_Rei…we live together for a long time…I never want to revive the third one,'_

'_My heart is starting not to believe your words easily anymore…'_

'_I can understand if your heart rebels…especially for this time…'_

My hand reached the lever. For a moment, I wasn't sure I really wanted to do that…It was right that…even he truly loved me…but I still loved him…I still wanted to be with him…and I didn't really reconcile the third one would replace my place…replace my existence forever…From my place now…I could see the angel entering the Eva well…poor Eva…but after the lever pulling, it's gonna be okay…and I had to bequeath you to the next Rei... "Rei, you COME back NOW!" I still heard he's shouting there. I wish it was from your deepest heart...

'_Rei…you're different from them…what's the advantage for you to defense them?' _

It's Kaworu…Kaworu bothered me too…when I was facing a strong desire…!

'_You don't have to think this much, Rei…'_

'_I still don't understand…who am I?'_

'_You are Ayanami Rei…the pilot of Evangelion proto type unit 0, the lover of me…'_

_Silence…I couldn't say anything more that time…That time I felt my self surrender each time I saw your face…I was captured by your aura…your honest tricked me well…_

'_No…you are not just Ayanami Rei…' he murmured…that made me turn my face and look at him._

'_The truth is…what I call as the pain…you're my Yui now…You are…Yui for me…'_

_Silence…it didn't hurt much because I already knew about that…I just wanted to make it sure by his confession. That time, everything had been sure…_

'_I see…'_

'_By the way, the time is getting closer now…may be you should prepare the next...'_

'_Even that I spend so many time and love with you…I have to confess that…Human Instrumentally Project now has been active well,'_

_Human Instrumentally Project? That meant…my death was getting closer._

'_Dead Sea Scrolls will always lead our steps…' that's what I could tell._

_Silence…_

My face was bathed in tears…And I hated to see more memories…But it seemed…the memory would haunt me 'til my death. How I wanted my death that time…

'_By seeing your condition now…may be the third one is not for me anymore. May be she will belong to Shinji,' _

'_Seeing my condition? What kind of condition?'_

'_Nothing…it's nothing to talk about…'_

_Silence…both of us were trapped by the endless sadness that I started._

'_I'm sorry for starting this horrible feeling. I shouldn't against you,'_

_Silence again…He didn't know that…I was always willing to love you…and to be loved by you…even as Yui…I always wanted your love…and I didn't mind to be thought as Yui…if with that way…I still could be with you….still could love you…_

'_I don't know whether you realize it or not…' he murmured_

'_But I always love you, Rei…Even sometimes I love you as her…but I love you most…as who you are now.' he continues with a whisper near my ear_.

And I felt my heart rebelled. I didn't wanna die before I confess my love to you…I left you after you said you loved me…And I was so stupid…I wanted to confess it…I wanted…But at the same time, I recognized that…if I really loved him…I would do anything to protect and safe him…I mustn't be egoist. I've decided. And for the last time, I took a look at the view in front of me…The angel on Eva…I breathed for the last time…and I pulled the lever…

The last second in my life… This is when I tell you this story…At the last second in my life…I haven't said I love him…I haven't told him my true feeling…Will I die unhappily? But even if I haven't said that…I hope he knew it yourself…I KNOW you will now it yourself. And I will never be sorry to sacrifice my self…for the beautiful life I have ever lived…I close my eyes…It seems like I have to end this story. The story of Second Rei's life. I see his face, smiling at me. I say it that time…that I love you….forever…

And the bomb burst…

A/N:

The names of the weapons, places, etc are based on Evangelion comic books. Thank you for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

_It's hard to lift the eyelid…_

_It's hard to see well…_

_But it's not hard to hear something…_

_Something that may have been what I was waiting for…_

"It' your turn now…'

The Heart of Ayanami-chapter 5

Shinji's POV 

A boy was running along a corridor to see something looked important. His hurry food steps made a noisy voice. He kept running 'til he saw a woman was strolling calmly.

"Ritsuko-san, Ritsuko-san" he cried out her name out loud and made the woman surprised.

"Shinji-kun. What's wrong?" she asked him still tranquilly.

But the boy was panting so he ought to calm himself first. "Gosh Shin-kun, what have you been doing here? Running around like a mad until you are out of breath like this," she commented. But the boy didn't care about what she said about him.

"Ritsuko-san. I really need to know about Ayanami," he pleaded hardly because he still choked.

She frowned and looked at him deeply. "Rei?" she knitted her eyebrows.

He nodded fast. The woman, Ritsuko was silent for few seconds.

She didn't know what to answer.

She didn't know whether she had to be honest or just let the kid know himself.

She didn't know whether she dared to hurt his heart now, or just later.

She didn't know what to do because in fact everything had changed.

And she didn't know what to do because she's afraid not to be able to hide the truth of Rei any longer.

"So…what about her, Ritsuko-san? Please answer me," he begged. He looked tired but curious too in the same time. Ritsuko gazed at him shortly. She could feel her lips trembling that time.

"Is she still alive now?" Shinji asked again.

_Is she alive? _

_Is that girl still her?_

_Is that condition still can be called alive?_

She even didn't know the answer.

"Please tell me, Ritsuko-san. Don't make me suffer like this. I wanna meet her now," he besought hard. Ritsuko just stared at him. "You wanna meet her like you said?" she made sure. Shinji nodded and his eyes got sharp. "Sure," he answered firmly.

_He just wants to meet her…Nothing more…_

"She's in the waiting room in front of locker room. You know that place, right?" she muttered.

His face went brightened and he smiled hopefully. "Yes, of course I know that place. Thank you, Ritsuko-san. Thank you very much!" after saying those words, he ran again. He ran as fast as he could to reach that place. The very place he wanted to see.

(line)

He's still running when he saw a girl sitting on a bench there. His heart was flaming and burning by a desire to meet her. He came closer and was really sure that it's Ayanami. Her hair was stil short-blue. Her orbs were red as ruby. But she used some bandages and some parts of her body hurt.

Shinji smiled gladly and walked towards her. But she did nothing when he got in front of her. She even didn't say anything. She just took a glance at him for a while.

"Ayanami…" he called her name confusedly.

She gaped at him icily so he couldn't find any expression on her face. He was anxious to face that fact. He gulped and sat besides her.

"I'm happy you're still alive," he conversed slowly. Rei just nodded. It irritated him well.

Seeing her coldness, he stated to be aware. "Well?" he asked for her opinion but she said nothing. She even didn't take a look at him.

"Don't cha remember something?" he tried to get an answer. Rei shook her head.

"No…" she said frostily.

He frowned confusedly. "You don't remember _anything_?.!" he didn't believe it.

"Nope…" she replied once again in an icy frequency.

He didn't understand. He tried to remember was there something he missed…but even if he missed something, she supposed not to forget all the things she had passed in Eva.

"Hh-h-hpw can it be?" he whispered in choking.

She stared at his orbs coldly. Her scarlet eyes made him feel confused.

"May be it because…I'm the third one…"

(line)

Rei's POV

This is the first time I came to my apartment. They said it was my predecessor's. And they told me several things too. My name is Ayanami Rei. I was the unit 00 pilot, soon I would master how to control that thing. I was in my duty, to replace Rei II but not everyone could know my real identity. So, what I could take from that was…if the one I replaced called Rei II, then I must be Rei III. And I knew NERV had many Reis.

I saw a glasses box on the table. I felt so curious, so I walked towards that table and touched that thing. It's cold. I took it, and opened it softly so I could see a pair of glasses. There's something on the hanger. I put the box on the table and took the glasses carefully so I could see it clearly.

I read the text on the hanger, written by a sort of black ink.

_Ikari G. _

'Ikari G.? Did it mean Ikari Gendou?' I wondered about that. Sure…it's Ikari Gendou. No doubt. There were only two Ikaris in this world. Gendou and Shinji. It would be Ikari S. if it's Shinji's.

Ikari Gendou…the man who gave me this life…Ikari Gendou…the man who did not just give me life, but duty and identity as well. Ikari Gendou…the man that made me pilot the eva…Ikari Gendou…the man who created so many Reis…?

_All of sudden, my heart was so wounded and controlled by the anger. 'Why did he make so many Reis? For stock? Why did he make me alive? Why did he force me to lead my predecessor's life? _

Those questions echoed in my brain and it annoyed me successfully. How did he know that I wanted to be alive? How did he know that that was the life I absolutely want? How did he know that I would be able to pilot the Eva soon? I knew Rei II needed to work hard to do that. And how did he know that I wanted to fight the angels?

I found my hands clutched the glasses hard, so hard until I thought that I could break it into pieces. _'I don't wanna this life. Why he chose me to do this?'_ Tears came out from the corners of my eyes and fell into the glasses. It made something looked like raindrops there.

'_So these are what we call as tears…? Tears…? I never saw it before…Why should we have tears…? Why am I crying? There's nothing to cry for…I don't understand being human…Am I really human? Or just something similar with…?'_

(line)

The night had arrived and I realized that my body needed a rest. After those confusing questions, I promised I would let myself rest unquestioned. So I laid on my bed and tried to sleep but the result was nothing. Even I closed my eyes, but myself just kept fighting against me. It didn't want to obey.

It's tiring to think those things all day long. About, where I was from, why I was created, why it could be like this et cetera. I thought sleep would be the best choice to end that exhausting condition. '_I must sleep, I must sleep, I must sleep'_ I kept telling my body those words. And finally, it worked…

(line)

There's someone over there…a girl…

A girl was standing there…I saw her behind…so what I could see just the backside of her body. It wasn't clear enough so it took long to analyze who was it. I stepped my feet even it felt like frozen. I wanted to walk over her and see her face.

I was still walking when the shade turned clearer and clearer than before. I saw her light blue hair…She had short hair too…just like me…She was wearing uniform…the same uniform as I had…She's looking at something.

She looked like me…She really looked like me. I wasn't sure that time, so I touched her by her shoulders. She turned her face at me and I was completely staggered.

It's me…

I was seeing my own self…

Had I got crazy…?

My eyes got widened and my mouth was opened well as I saw her.

Her beautiful ruby orbs seemed to rap my naked soul. She was just similar with me but something made me think that she's more beautiful than me…I could see that her spirit was stronger than mine, her desire…her strength…she was better than me at all…

I couldn't stop asking, was that Rei II?

Her face was cold and no expression, just same with me. But somehow, I could see a burning desire in her eyes. She opened her mouth a little to say something and it seemed that she whispered something so slowly…so slowly 'til I wasn't able to catch it. I frowned and got my ears closer to her.

"I got this kind of dreams too…" she said very slowly…it almost made me surrender.

I wrinkled. Dreams…?

"You haven't got those nightmares…" she mused. I didn't get it and it looked like I would never make it. "Nightmares?" I tried to make it sure. She didn't react anything, she just bent her head down so our eyes didn't meet anymore.

"Why I am here?" I had collected my nerves before I dared to ask her this question.

She stole a glance at me. "Must I answer it?" she asked back calmly.

It confused me successfully. I gulped and nodded anxiously. "I beg you…" I pleaded tremblingly. I felt a gigantic fear being with her.

She laid her eyes on me. "Why…?" she murmured monotonously.

I shrugged to hear her answer and twitched my mouth. "Because I think…may be you can answer my question…" I told her patiently because she seemed to play at me.

She smiled…a sweet smile. "I will answer nothing…Because I can't…" she responded.

"You are the 'Rei' before me, right?" I muttered charily.

"Yes, I was…" she answered lightly.

"I see…" I hissed.

"I am not Ayanami Rei anymore now. I'm now something I cannot explain…I live in you…wherever you go…I'm there too…"

And I found my self was on the bed with bug eyes and cold sweat covered my face…

(line)

'_It's just a dream…an ordinary dream…humans feel it all the time…'_

I tried to comfort my self when I was pouring some water into a glass. I drank the water… The glass felt cold for me. As cold as the night…I was alone in my room, nobody's there…And I got confused and frightened at the same time…

I drank my water again…

'A dream won't scare you, right, Rei? You are strong,'

Even I still breathed short, I wanted to sleep again. After putting on that glass on the table, I walked steadily to my bed, laid on it and covered my body with my blanket. It seemed my first day after I woke up from a very long sleep wasn't the best day… I closed my eyes…

to be continued

(line)

a/n

Hehehe, thanx 4 reading, sorry about the spelling 'n grammatical errors. This chapter is shorter than before and absolutely boring. You're a great person if you didn't fell into sleep while reading it, huahuahua…Well, I'm confused now…so…Bye bye

GP


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